I drink to ignore the pain I feel, but right now I’m drunk and feel nothing but pain. What the fuck.
You’ll always be my “what if” in life.
Anonymous asked: Hahahahaha Trevor and Angela are talking again. Wow she's actually crazy.
Wait.. Explain to me how this is funny? I missed the joke.
Anonymous asked: Did you see that picture of Angela and that guys in bed together?
No. I haven’t been on any of her sites lately. Thanks for letting me know though? I don’t really need to hear about it.
Any chance her and I ever had has gone completely out the window. Like.. Her and I are a lost cause at this point so I don’t really care to hear about her anymore. We are 100% over for good this time. In don’t need to hear “I’m sorrys” or anything else like that because right now I just don’t care. After all… She’s the one to blame for the relationship falling apart. I know I won’t find another “her” in life but she certainly won’t find another “me”.
Anonymous asked: The only way you would have thrown your life away is if you didn't stop to consider the "important" things. If all you did was keep going with a "playtime" point of view. And trust me when I say that people who are stuck don't think of these things, like what they should do next or where their life is going. They stay stuck. The don't consider what is next. You may feel lost but from my perspective you are far from lost. Still searching maybe, but you are 21. Take it one step at a time.
Whoever you are… Thank you. It’s nice to hear something from someone who seems to know what they’re talking about. It means a lot.
I’ve been doing some thinking today. The past few hours especially…
I haven’t been focusing much on the right things. It isn’t just “here and now”, it’s ” where am I headed”?
"What does my future look like"?
“Will I be successful or a failure”?
“Why settle for less when I can kill myself for countless days now and see the light at the end of the tunnel when all is said and done”?
I’ve made mistakes. I’m making mistakes… Who am I even living for? Where is my drive? I want to be an inspiration but I’m stuck being a child. I need to man up. I’m 21 years old and there are people younger than me with more opportunity than I have. It can change but only will if I do…
What am I doing with my fucking life? I’m throwing it in the garbage.. That’s what I’m doing. I have potential. I’m just stuck in this stupid place of “playtime”…
What have I done?
I don’t expect happiness anymore and that’s pretty damn miserable to think about.
I can’t even begin to explain how many times I’ve thought of killing myself just to not feel a thing anymore. It’s not even about Angela as much. She’s part of it, but everything else is playing a role. I don’t like where I am. I hate it.
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A new photo from the album photoshoot. Thanks to Krystl Vest Photography.
Yes.. You had a tough life. Depression, being alone, being promised things and finding that glimmer of hope in someone to pull you out of it who ended up being your downfall. Cutting yourself, losing people you love.
Let’s not forget about what I’ve been through. Let’s not forget about the REASON I had to leave school instead of you just saying that I’m a high school dropout. Let’s not forget that I was moved around all over the state with a mom that didn’t give a shit. Oh, I don’t know a thing about abuse like you claim, but I was fucking sexually abused by a family member when I was 7 years old. Right, I have no clue what abuse is and what its like to feel alone and want to die every single day. Hmm.. But then I found you. You gave me hope in the world. I stuck around through all of the bullshit because I loved you. You promised me things, you accepted me and you told me it would be just us. Then you took that from me. I know what abuse is. Mine just took form in the sexual form, which I promise you is pretty fucking emotional too. You hurt me so bad an expect me to be with you. I told you I forgive you, but I’m not going to be with you. Part of me wants it but a bigger part doesn’t and I’m listening to that. I’ve been alone whether you believe it or not. I left my school, I left my friends, I moved away over and over, you could barely handle that when it happened at first and left me, remember? The second I walked into my new house you call and say you can’t do it. I lost everything too INCLUDING MY HOUSE AND DOG AND CAR in a flood. I know what its fucjing like to be alone and have someone take advantage of you. But I found something in you that helped. You made me feel alive. Like I mattered.. And you gave me hope and made me believe it was just us. I confronted my abuser on the daily because he attacked you with his words and it started a full on war with my family and I. You couldn’t do that for me with Brendon until it was too late. Fuck.